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We've raised our daughter well: Disneysteve's Common Cents Blog
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We've raised our daughter well

February 15th, 2020 at 05:45 pm

Text I just got from my daughter (she's 24). She is at the bank waiting to have a form notarized.

Her: Lady in the waiting area on her phone, "I always check my account balance on the app and it said $168". It was normal for me to have more money than other college kids but this lady is 50 or 60. I mean she could have more money in other places but still.

Me: Surveys show that most people can't cover an unexpected $400 expense.

Her: People need to get their stuff together because that's crazy.

Me: Just keep being abnormal and you'll be fine.

Her: Sometimes it's good to be different.

17 Responses to “We've raised our daughter well”

  1. Butterscotch Says:

    You never know other people’s situations. And overheard conversation is hardly insight. I mean, I’m glad your daughter is financially responsible, but judging people like that shows a lack of emotional maturity.

  2. crazyliblady Says:

    I do have money in different institutions and that's by choice, as I save a lot more money when I can't get to my savings so quickly. It's makes me more determined to budget better rather than rely on savings to save my butt. In this case, it's good to be abnormal. I hope she knows that. LOL

  3. Wink Says:

    Sorry, but I had the same initial reaction as Butterscotch.

  4. creditcardfree Says:

    The truth is there are a lot of people who at any age don't have much money. I have a sister in law who now lives on disability. I can't imagine she looks disabled since she has a mental illness that isn't always obvious to others. Some family members still don't think she has one. I bet she could easily have said the same thing and she is in her 50s. It is definitely wonderful to have responsible children, it's just not always a matter of responsibility is it?

  5. disneysteve Says:

    Apologies if that was overly judgemental. It's absolutely true that we don't know anything about that woman's situation.

    However, it did spur a good conversation with my daughter. I pulled up a couple of those recent studies that showed 40% of people surveyed (about 12,000 people in the study) said to pay an unexpected $400 bill, they'd have to sell something, go into debt, or forgo paying another bill. And another one that said 78% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck. I was actually surprised by that number. I've always heard it was in the 60-70% range.

    As for the woman in the bank, it's still not a great idea to have that little in your account regardless of your situation. I do know, since my daughter and I both bank there, that there is a minimum balance requirement. If she really only has under $200 in her account, she's paying a ridiculous monthly fee (I think it's $12 or so, I'd have to check) to maintain her account. Why not just keep your cash at home or open an account at an online bank or somewhere else where there's no minimum balance? There are certainly plenty of options out there.

  6. Wink Says:

    So you apologize for being judgemental in your first sentence, and then continue to judge her, or make assumptions about her, in your last paragraph. You said you don't know her situation. Maybe this was the first time in her life that her balance fell that low. Maybe she was in the bank to correct a mistake, because even banks make mistakes. You are continuing to assume that she is somehow irresponsible and should "keep her cash at home"?

  7. disneysteve Says:

    I said "if she really only has" that much. If she actually has a lot more and there was some mistake on her account, the "keep your cash at home" comment" doesn't apply to her. I meant that more generally, not specifically about her.

    I have no doubt that there are a lot of people out there paying a monthly fee for not maintaining whatever minimum balance their account requires. I just wonder why folks would do that when there are alternatives that don't charge those fees.

  8. Wink Says:

    I fully understand what you wrote. Thanks for an interesting discussion!

  9. CB in the City Says:

    I understand what you're saying. I do. But remember that you are a physician making a good salary and you have passed on financial security to your daughter. After my husband divorced me -- and stripped me of everything he could get while I was emotionally overwhelmed -- I often had a balance lower than $168. I am an intelligent and fiscally responsible woman, but I couldn't control what life threw at me at that time. You never know what others are going through. Be grateful that you are in a position to judge, but do try not to judge.

  10. MonkeyMama Says:

    I am so completely lost about this post. But... I have $100 in my bank account. The opposite is more to the point. I manage very closely and I know where every penny goes. So you've already lost me there. But also agree with the others. I guess I can't imagine why I'd notice or care about some random stranger and their bank balance. The fact that your daughter has been given so much financial support by you makes the whole thing extra cringe-y. (This really stands out to me, as someone who was financially on their own at 18).

    I hesitated to comment because didn't want to pile on. I offer in the tone of Wink's last comment, it opens up a conversation.

  11. disneysteve Says:

    Sorry again. I have obviously failed to get my point across. No offense intended.

  12. rob62521 Says:

    You have raised your daughter well. You should be proud.

    I didn't read your post as being judgmental. We have friends who are "skating on the edge" with their finances not because they don't have decent salaries or pensions, but because they have made what I consider questionable choices.

  13. mumof2 Says:

    You have rised your daughter well...my daughter does the same thing and has so much saved and she is on disability...but very frugal...its good to know that they will be fine as they get older...I didn't find you judgemental but like us similar conversations have come about after overhearing others conversations

  14. lurker Says:

    Awww, your attempt at a humble brag backfired this time.

  15. LifeBalance Says:

    I find the comments on this post interesting.

    I think it's a positive thing that your daughter evaluates others and compares. Of course at age 24, she won't be spot on because she doesn't have the life experience. At age 24 I thought that people living in fancy houses and driving luxury cars were wealthy. At my advanced age today, I know that they're likely financially over-extended. But she's thinking about it and that'll serve her well.

    I also think it's great that she talks to you about her observations. It gives you the opportunity to make points to her (like the $400 emergency) that'll stay with her. In my family financial talk was taboo - I'm trying to change that with my kids. I welcome the times they start the conversation, no matter how accurate their views are.

  16. terri77 Says:

    No offense taken & I am sure that you have raised her well. If I have more than $168 in my checking account I'm just thankful.

  17. LivingAlmostLarge Says:

    good job and awareness. And yes it is a big deal. Sure you can live with $100 down to dollar but it's not easy way to live and I don't want my kids doing it if they don't have to. Part of it really is explaining that worrying where the money went is crazy.

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