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Home > Anyone else feeling a bit guilty about doing well right now?

Anyone else feeling a bit guilty about doing well right now?

May 30th, 2020 at 03:25 pm

I suppose it's sort of like survivor's guilt. So many people are suffering with so much right now - disease, unemployment, having to home school their kids, having summer camp cancelled, struggling to keep their businesses afloat, and more.

Meanwhile, here we are with me still fully employed earning my normal income. My wife is very happily quarantined and almost couldn't care if things open up again or not. Our daughter is unemployed but fortunately not suffering financially as a result (though it has been hard mentally - she can't wait to get back to work). We do have a couple of friends who have been quite sick from COVID but thankfully haven't lost anyone close to us.

As I've shared before, our spending is actually down by about $1,000/month largely due to COVID. There's nowhere to go and nothing to do that involves spending money. So ultimately, we're going to come out of this whole mess better than when it started. So many millions of people can't say the same.

Not to say, of course, that it hasn't been a challenge. For weeks, the stress level at my job was sky high, the worst I've ever experienced in my 30 years as a doctor. Things were changing daily and we just didn't know what was going to happen, what we were supposed to be doing, how best to protect ourselves. Patient volume plummeted making us all concerned if we would maintain our jobs, especially as we heard more and more stories of healthcare layoffs.

Fortunately, we seem to be past the worst of it now and things have settled down. Work isn't so stressful anymore and we've adjusted to the new procedures. Volume is starting to pick back up also so I think our jobs are safe at this point. Now we're just dreading the fall when we have seasonal flu AND COVID to deal with. That certainly won't be fun.

Anyway, it's just been a little awkward or uncomfortable when we're talking with friends who have it way worse than we do. We're very thankful not to be financially impacted, not to have little kids to deal with, not to have had COVID strike too close to home.

9 Responses to “Anyone else feeling a bit guilty about doing well right now?”

  1. GratefulSaver Says:
    1590858528

    I think we are in the same state. I am in Morris County and my town has been hit hard. Thankfully, my immediate family is well, but I have a dear friend who is critical and on a ventilator. The doctor said that he is a very ill. I feel awful for people struggling financially and I do whatever I can to donate food and a few GoFundMe fundraisers. Our spending has been down as well due to COVID. I feel blessed.

  2. CB in the City Says:
    1590860663

    I feel much the same. My income is not affected. My sons and my DIL all remain employed. One of my sons, and his family, did get the virus, but all are recovered and back to normal. I am living in a state which had a strict stay-at-home order, but it never really bothered me, and, like your wife, I care very little about whether things open up or not. The only thing that has bothered me is the travel ban, and not being able to see family. I do look forward to normalcy on that score. But otherwise, yeah, guilty survivor. So far at least!

  3. crazyliblady Says:
    1590860840

    I am happy things are going so well for you and your family. I am also still employed and working from home. For the most part, I am actually liking working from home and have also saved a significant amount of money. Our farmer's market opened back up a couple of weeks ago, but is limited in selection. A friend has been giving me some eggs, which helps a lot. The thing that is somewhat stressful is the shortage of certain things at the stores. For example, this morning I had to go to four stores to find paper towels. Overall, I feel very blessed.

  4. creditcardfree Says:
    1590866239

    We feel very blessed, but not guilty that my husband is working. The job has been kicked up to a home deployment and is even now out of town supporting the CV mission. He worked very long days, went weeks without a day off until very recently. We do not feel guilt taking a paycheck for job that is being done. Guilt for getting $2400 in stimulus money from the government while still working and others have been forced into unemployment...that's where the guilt lies. So many imbalances and confusing decisions. I pray that we can finally make public health policies that do not harm others while saving another. There has to be more balance.

  5. Wink Says:
    1590866482

    I'm not sure that I feel guilty, I think I just feel more responsible to help those who have been affected. I haven't been impacted financially, I'm healthy and none of my family or friends have been impacted. So, I volunteer and donate, and try to help others as much as I can. I feel grateful to be able to do so.

  6. terri77 Says:
    1590874723

    I feel grateful, but not guilty. Work is definitely picking up at our clinic. I had an in-person appointment at a clinic this week & felt safe. I’m glad that the numbers are going down & I will continue to be cautious in public spaces. I’m still not dining in at a restaurant or going back to church anytime soon.

  7. disneysteve Says:
    1590880101

    Thanks for the replies. Yes, we have been doing our part to help others. We made a nice donation to the food pantry and were just talking yesterday about what else we can do charity-wise.

    I also realize that being a front line healthcare worker, I've certainly been involved in helping those impacted by illness and injury during this time and people have been particularly appreciative lately.

    We didn't qualify for stimulus money so didn't have to deal with that. Had we gotten it, we probably would have done as many others have and donated most or all of it to those who really need it.

  8. Lucky Robin Says:
    1590889457

    I don't feel guilty. I feel lucky. DH has only had a loss of 16 hours, which amounts to 8 hours on two different paychecks and it fell in two different months, even though it was two weeks in a row, which made it easier to budget for. Really glad it didn't fall on one paycheck. That was a tight time, but we dug in and did it. After that it was full hours. The stimulus check came a couple weeks later, but we slammed it into the Emergency Fund. Things could become iffy again with his hours, we just don't know, and I refuse to feel any guilt over it. We pay in and we pay in a lot more than many people who got checks. I don't begrudge them theirs and I won't feel bad about ours. We continue to donate our tithe to the Christian mission homeless shelter during this time (we don't currently have a church) and we normally donate to the food bank during the year. We are making sure our relatives and neighbors are all okay. What more can you do? Guilt is a wasted emotion unless you have done something wrong. You haven't. You've just been luckier than many, that's all.

  9. LivingAlmostLarge Says:
    1591082396

    I do feel extremely guilty. We are extremely lucky to employed. Yes it's hard with kids. Yes it's hard for both of us working at home. It's busy and crazy. But we are healthy and employed. That just makes it so hard for us knowing that i do taxes for so many people laid off, furloughed, or in a bad position that they are barely making ends meet. Yes I know that part of it stems from bad financial choices that they weren't prepared but still it's not easy.

    And so we are spending money we probably don't need to. I don't need a cleaner weekly, but she only has 2 other families since the rest don't want her back. We leave the house while she cleans. I paid her over 2 months of not working and she started coming back in May and doing it weekly.

    I don't need my yard guy to do some much work but he appears to need the money. So we just say yes when he asks to come. Sounds stupid but I guess we feel like we're employed so we should keep supporting people to work.

    We gifted our kids teachers $500 for working from home. We donated $1k to the food bank. I hired a tutor for the kids an hour a day. We aren't eating out because I'm doing the whole 30 but we are trying here and there to spend money. We are still spending on stuff, but heck no new shoes for the kids but they need it. I need to get DK1 new shorts I ordered a few online and she doesn't like the fit. So now I'm stuck. Usually it's to the store and it's easier like shoes. But now what?

    Now there are massive riots very close to where we live. So we are hiding in our homes as well.

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